"Thoughts and Reflections" will discuss various issues and ideas that have provoked my attention.Mother Daughter conference
On October 18, 2008, I had the opportunity to be part of a Mother Daughter conference which was held at the Summit Medical Group. It was a great day and a great conference. I worked specifically with the moms in a break out session entitled, Checking your Messages. Below are some of the issues that were discussed.
The goal for the moms was for them to look at the messages, both implicit and explicit, that they might be conveying to their daughters. Our daughters are struggling. Debra Waterhouse in her book, Like Mothers Like Daughters, says by age 5 most girls describe thin friends as being more desirable than overweight ones, by age 9 50 percent of girls have already embarked on their first diet. In the majority of American families the ever increasing pressure for thinness has created an almost universal shift toward body unhappiness”. We talked about how these influences are so powerful.
Body image does not refer to what you actually look like. It refers to your personal relationship with your body—especially your beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, feelings and actions that pertain to your physical appearance. So many of the young girls I see for treatment view their bodies by what they believe they should look like in order to be accepted or popular etc. The challenge for any young girl to accept and even like her own body is tremendous. The cultural influences and the media influences are so strong. And clearly, the messages many of these young women receive from those vehicles are negative. So, so much is out of our control as moms raising daughters, so we must focus on the things we do have some power over. For example, how we communicate with our daughters about their bodies. Moms also struggle with their own body image issues.
Sometimes, we give subtle messages to our daughters about their bodies and or weight and sometimes the messages are not that subtle. I have worked with teens who say that when their moms strongly suggest they go to the gym often that they feel their moms are saying they are fat. I have worked with moms whose daughters ask them time and time again; do I look fat in this???? And the moms feel conflicted about how to answer. Here are a few suggestions for moms. Do not talk about weight as a consistent topic in your house. Do not talk about diets often. It is okay to talk about healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle. Impart to your children the things about yourself and them that you are proud of. Do not allow teasing in your household.
Understand normal bodily changes, especially for teenagers. This is so so important. Understand the genetics of your body type and structure. Our daughters are often unprepared for changes during puberty. We, as mothers are often unprepared for the changes in our bodies. Debra Waterhouse states, “this unrealistic portrayal of womanhood reflects a lack of understanding, appreciation and acceptance of the stages of female passage.
For younger children, give your children the opportunity to experience their bodies as positive whether it is a sport, dance or just running around outside. (Thomas Cash) Teach children to pay attention to sensations occurring within their body. “Body awareness is crucial for the establishment of identity and mental health”. And lastly, when your daughter asks do I look fat in this?? Tell her that question is not allowed but she can ask, “how do I look in this?” Yes, you can answer her.
In conclusion, our daughters are exposed to so many negative influences that we cannot control. Take time to reflect on the ways in which you as a parent influence your daughter. Establish healthy open communication with your children. If you struggle with body image issues, take the time to make changes. Believe in yourself, embrace your strengths and let go of the negative tapes.
The goal for the moms was for them to look at the messages, both implicit and explicit, that they might be conveying to their daughters. Our daughters are struggling. Debra Waterhouse in her book, Like Mothers Like Daughters, says by age 5 most girls describe thin friends as being more desirable than overweight ones, by age 9 50 percent of girls have already embarked on their first diet. In the majority of American families the ever increasing pressure for thinness has created an almost universal shift toward body unhappiness”. We talked about how these influences are so powerful.
Body image does not refer to what you actually look like. It refers to your personal relationship with your body—especially your beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, feelings and actions that pertain to your physical appearance. So many of the young girls I see for treatment view their bodies by what they believe they should look like in order to be accepted or popular etc. The challenge for any young girl to accept and even like her own body is tremendous. The cultural influences and the media influences are so strong. And clearly, the messages many of these young women receive from those vehicles are negative. So, so much is out of our control as moms raising daughters, so we must focus on the things we do have some power over. For example, how we communicate with our daughters about their bodies. Moms also struggle with their own body image issues.
Sometimes, we give subtle messages to our daughters about their bodies and or weight and sometimes the messages are not that subtle. I have worked with teens who say that when their moms strongly suggest they go to the gym often that they feel their moms are saying they are fat. I have worked with moms whose daughters ask them time and time again; do I look fat in this???? And the moms feel conflicted about how to answer. Here are a few suggestions for moms. Do not talk about weight as a consistent topic in your house. Do not talk about diets often. It is okay to talk about healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle. Impart to your children the things about yourself and them that you are proud of. Do not allow teasing in your household.
Understand normal bodily changes, especially for teenagers. This is so so important. Understand the genetics of your body type and structure. Our daughters are often unprepared for changes during puberty. We, as mothers are often unprepared for the changes in our bodies. Debra Waterhouse states, “this unrealistic portrayal of womanhood reflects a lack of understanding, appreciation and acceptance of the stages of female passage.
For younger children, give your children the opportunity to experience their bodies as positive whether it is a sport, dance or just running around outside. (Thomas Cash) Teach children to pay attention to sensations occurring within their body. “Body awareness is crucial for the establishment of identity and mental health”. And lastly, when your daughter asks do I look fat in this?? Tell her that question is not allowed but she can ask, “how do I look in this?” Yes, you can answer her.
In conclusion, our daughters are exposed to so many negative influences that we cannot control. Take time to reflect on the ways in which you as a parent influence your daughter. Establish healthy open communication with your children. If you struggle with body image issues, take the time to make changes. Believe in yourself, embrace your strengths and let go of the negative tapes.
